After a challenging first two years running my latest startup, I feel like I’ve had a big breakthrough recently. Even though I still experience many of the same trials and tribulations daily (who doesn’t?), I now realize that my attitude and thoughts on various matters dictate how I feel, how I act, and then how I experience and interpret my life. And to know that the resistance is a sign that you’re getting close to “up-leveling” if you just push through it and adapt to the challenge, despite the little annoying voices in your head trying so hard to keep you safe out of harm’s way.

So long as my intentions are good and my authentic self is leading the charge, nothing can stop that thing, that goal, from belonging to me. It is just a matter of navigating the various obstacles that appear without warning onto our path (which, if we’re honest, is not ours to fully know because almost nothing can be sure other than specific laws of nature). We must “suffer well” (as Ray Dalio says) in the process (to the extent the experience is uncomfortable), then get more robust and more competent as a result, and move on to each subsequent challenge.

Reflecting, I realized this archetypal hero’s journey is like many video games. Think about it. Like work and life, video games don’t usually have a how-to manual. It’s primarily a self-determined experience that each player must experience for herself.

Everyone is probably familiar with the classic Nintendo game, Mario Brothers. In the game, Mario (and his brothers, and in effect you, the player) is dropped into a level, which essentially is just a series of obstacles, and occasional rewards, in pursuit of some end goal (one notable difference to mention is that the game developers choose the destination rather than Mario, but suffice to say, he signed up for the challenge).

Mario is guaranteed to battle these obstacles at each level, hopefully in good spirits, to some happy music. Except for perhaps the most straightforward early ground levels, it is inevitable that Mario (i.e., you) will have to repeat the level after you make a wrong move, miscalculate your strategy, or encounter an obstacle you didn’t anticipate, like a fireball or an antagonistic bird.

After a series of tries, through a believe-you-can persistence and a growth mindset, Mario can reach the end of the level and achieve his immediate goal. And if you think about it, Mario is vaguely (or maybe even acutely) aware of the plan from the beginning of each “restart”, but he, and by extension, you, must choose to focus on the little moves, one at a time, and learn to expect various obstacles to intrude, as opposed to the end goal itself to succeed in a given level. If there were no obstacles, there would be no game!

The game is primarily a self-determined experience. The “how” is for you to find out. We choose how we take and retake the experience.

Furthermore, we know the classic video game is meant to be won. You are meant to get to the final level. But most people quit before they get there because it’s inevitably tricky, and there are always trade-offs. There are usually no skip-a-level handouts. If you are willing to do the work at each level of the game, sharpening your skills over time, you will win.

Mistakes aren’t just ok; they must learn and advance in the game. And on making mistakes and boldly moving forward with greater mastery at each chance, Mario becomes a courageous hero.

All we need to do is to continue deciding that we will choose to hit “restart” and give it another go. The “how” will come with practice — it almost always does. Therefore, mastery will also come with diligent practice. Skill and ability open Mario up to goals and horizons that he otherwise could never unlock if he didn’t show up again and again to play the game.

Then, when Mario finally achieves his goal at his level, something curious usually happens: there is a brief five-second moment of celebration and fireworks, and then he is up-leveled to a new level, with a different goal and probably more difficult challenges to become a better, more “actualized,” “Super” Mario. Spoiler alert: there will always be obstacles in Mario’s/your journey!

It would be foolish for Mario to expect his ambitious journey to be without challenges or obstacles. It would also be unwise for Mario to compare himself to the performance of the other brothers and sisters in the game (unless it’s for some kind of inspiration as to what is, in fact, possible) or to the monsters already holding down the castle, or even worse, to focus on the circumstances in the game he can’t ever control, as opposed to the step or two or three in front of him.

Our experience as striving humans is strikingly analogous. Each day or restart, you have a chance to practice and tweak your strategy until you can get through the level successfully. It’s all in your head because, win or lose, Mario is getting better each and every time he tries.

For the less determined, you may decide after some failures or false starts that it’s impossible for you to achieve your goals and that restarting each day with a focus on the end goal will likely be a waste of time. But that is precisely incorrect! Your goals are meant for you to achieve, and the journey filled with obstacles is nature’s way of sharpening your skills and making sure that before you earn and experience the thrill of a significant increase in your life or in a level (however low or high that may be), you must be ready to receive it. The video game is meant to be won. You are meant to get to the final level. But most people quit before they get there because it’s hard. You will win if you are willing to do the work in the game.

And if you keep getting up each time the monster or fireball gets the best of you, you will reach your goal. You will get through to realizing your actualized self. This is the nature of the game, and it’s a good lesson to remember the heart of a good, rewarding life.